Perimenopause: The Shift No One Warned Us About (But We’re Talking About It Now)

Let’s get something straight! Perimenopause is not a whisper... It doesn’t knock politely. It barges in—sometimes slow, sometimes all at once—and flips the table on everything you thought you knew about your body, your moods, your sleep, your skin, your sex life. And most of us? We’re blindsided.

I wasn’t prepared. No one pulled me aside to say, “Hey sis, this season is coming. Here’s what to look out for. Here’s how to hold yourself through it.” Nah. What we get is silence, shame, maybe a side comment about hot flashes in a bad sitcom.

Well, not here. Not on Shalena Speaks. We talk about what matters—and what’s real. And perimenopause is very real.

So, What Is Perimenopause?

Perimenopause is the transition period before menopause. It can start as early as your mid-30s, though most folks notice it in their 40s. It’s when your hormones—mainly estrogen and progesterone—start to fluctuate wildly, like a DJ who can’t decide on a tempo. Your periods become irregular. Your body starts acting… different.

You might still be getting your period (sometimes heavier, sometimes lighter, sometimes two in a month), but something feels off. You’re sweating at night like you ran a marathon in your sleep. Your patience is thin. Your memory skips. Sex hurts. You feel rage that lives in your chest. Or maybe you cry during a car commercial. It’s not in your head. It’s in your hormones. And that’s biology, not drama.

The Symptoms They Don’t Talk About

Let’s run the list—because it’s not just hot flashes:

• Irregular periods: Shorter cycles, longer cycles, skipped periods, floodgate-level bleeding.

• Mood swings: Anxiety, irritability, low motivation, depression. Sometimes all in one day.

• Sleep issues: You can’t fall asleep. Or you wake at 3 a.m. like it’s judgment day.

• Vaginal dryness: Yep, and nobody warned you it might mess with your confidence or intimacy.

• Weight gain: Especially around the belly. Even if your routine hasn’t changed.

• Memory lapses: “Where are my keys?” “Why did I walk into this room?” “What’s that word again…?”

• Decreased libido: Or desire that comes and goes like a faulty light switch.

• Joint pain, breast tenderness, migraines, acne—I could keep going.

Now imagine experiencing several of these at once and still being expected to lead meetings, raise kids, show up in relationships, look pulled together, and not snap at that one coworker who keeps breathing too loud.

This Isn’t Just Hormonal. It’s Personal.

Perimenopause hits different depending on who you are. For Black women especially, the silence around this transition is deafening. We’ve been conditioned to push through, to carry it all without complaint, to be strong. But strength without space to feel, heal, and adapt? That’s a setup.

And let’s be real—medical racism doesn’t take a break at perimenopause. Many Black women are misdiagnosed, dismissed, or gaslit when they bring up their symptoms. That’s why we need to talk louder, share more, and show up for each other in this.

No, You’re Not Crazy. You’re Changing.

I can’t tell you how many women I’ve talked to who said, “I thought I was losing my mind.” And I get it. When your body changes this much and no one around you is saying, “That’s normal,” you start to question yourself.

But here’s the truth: perimenopause is a natural, hormonal transition. It’s not a disease. It’s not a failure. And you are not alone.

What you’re experiencing is valid. And there are ways to navigate it—on your terms.

So, What Can You Do About It?

Start with knowledge. Then take action!

1. Track Your Symptoms

You can’t manage what you don’t monitor. Write it down. Use an app. Start noticing patterns. It helps you advocate for yourself when you talk to a doctor—and it helps you see that you're not making this up.

2. Find a Provider Who Listens

If your doctor brushes you off? Find a new one. Look for someone who understands midlife women’s health, who respects your lived experience, who doesn’t default to “it’s just stress.” You deserve better.

3. Explore Your Options

There’s no one-size-fits-all, but here’s what you can look into:

• Hormone therapy (HRT)

• Non-hormonal medications for mood, sleep, or hot flashes

• Natural supplements (with caution and guidance)

• Nutrition changes

• Exercise (especially strength training)

• Stress reduction—because cortisol makes everything worse

  
  

4. Talk About It

With your sisters, your friends, your daughters. Break the silence. Normalize the conversation. It’s a gift to the next generation when we name what we’re going through.

5. Redefine Power

Perimenopause isn’t the beginning of the end. It’s the middle of your becoming. You are not fading. You are refining. Sharpening. Reclaiming. It’s time to stop centering youth as the only season that matters.

Your body is shifting, yes. But your essence? Your spirit? Your fire? Still there. Still strong. Still needed.

Perimenopause isn’t here to break you. It’s here to reintroduce you to yourself. To remind you that you’re more than your hormones. To push you into the next chapter with grit, grace, and unapologetic truth.

So let’s stop pretending we’re fine when we’re falling apart. Let’s stop whispering about the real stuff. Let’s stand in it, speak on it, and come through it together. Because this is what growing into yourself looks like. And I’m here for every messy, powerful, complicated bit of it.